I heard that you were feeling ill: headache, fever, and a chill…

You may be wondering why it’s Saturday and I’ve yet to publish a  “Jersey Shore” (alternate title: “The Strongest Argument in Favor of Psychotropic Medication”) post. Well, as my Twitter followers know, it’s because I’ve been rather under the weather:

Actually, that’s an understatement. By “under the weather,” I mean that I’ve been expelling substances that look like toxic waste from my body while enduring a sensation that feels something like a hot melon baller scooping out my visceral organs. This has been somewhat strange for me, as I never get sick. In fact, I don’t think I’ve had anything more serious than a sinus infection in over a decade. The last time I remember being this sick was at summer camp when I was 14 and I had to spend a week in the infirmary. I even missed the Olympics. Still bitter about that. This being the case, I was in denial about actually being ill this time around, so I tried to soldier on, but it’s rather hard to be creative under such circumstances. (I’ve got 3500 words due on Tuesday and I’ve written nary a one of them. Yikes.)

But, huzzah! As of this morning, it appears as though I may be out of the woods (fingers crossed). Yes, after a week of copious Gatorade, 12 hours of sleep a day, and Harry Potter movies (BTW, there’s a marathon on ABC Family this weekend. I’m watching Chamber of Secrets right now. Get some.), I again feel like a human being. Shore post will be up later today, and (ir)regular posts will continue as per usual. Thanks for your patience, dear readers. We now return to your regularly scheduled programming.

(10 bonus points to anyone who can complete the lyrics from the title.)

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