Today’s lesson: no matter how tempting it is, no matter how lazy you feel, no matter how good the sex with that prostitute just was (that’s right; I’m on to you), do NOT smoke in bed. You will inevitably wind up the victim of a rogue mattress fire which will consume not only you, but your entire family and everyone you have ever loved.
Or, at least, your smoldered (that’s a word, yeah?) mattress will wind up on the curb, where endless passersby (passers-by? passerbyes? passeurs by? evs.) will know your shame…and homeless people will probably use it for sex. And by “homeless people” I mean me. And by “probably” I mean “absolutely.” And by “sex” I mean “sex with a Japanese sex doll.”